Satan Thanks Evangelicals

Democrats won’t win a permanent majority until they deflate the self-righteousness of Republicans—the absolute conviction that their values are superior. Here’s the script of an ad targeting evangelicals, the largest faction in the Republican coalition:

[Open on a Billy Graham-lookalike sitting behind a desk dressed in a white shirt, tie and dark suit jacket, a gold cross pinned on his lapel.]

Hello, I’m Satan, and I want to thank evangelical Christians for all the work you’re doing for me.

To be frank, when Jesus said, “Love your neighbor,”

[Image of Matthew 22:39]

I was scared. I thought the game was over. A commandment can’t get any simpler or clearer than that. But you proved you can twist even that one around. I’m especially proud of how you tear the country apart to rescue a knot of cells that might never become human…

[shots of confrontational antiabortion protesters, headline about opposition to Mifepristone]

while you kill hundreds of thousands of children and adults every year by voting for guns…

[statistic of gun deaths in latest year, video of aftermath of mass shooting]

poverty…

[statistic of children living in poverty, headline of Republicans voting against WIC]

disease…

[antivaxx headlines, statistics on deaths from communicable diseases]

pollution…

[shot of pollutants being dumped, statistic on deaths from harmful chemicals]

[shot returns to Satan]

Then you proclaim you’re for the right to life. [In an admiring tone] You’re more cynical than I am!

Another great move is when you declare that Christianity is under attack in the United States—one of the most religious countries in the world. Classic. The fallen angels roll on the floor laughing every time you try that one.

But my favorite is when your preachers shout…

[video of evangelical preacher saying “Get behind me, Satan”]

[shot returns to Satan]

I AM behind you. 100 percent! Keep up the good work.

[END]